When I get my BFP...

I will be scared. Not just scared but afraid. I'm afraid to get my BFP. As much as every single BFN stings, the happiness of a BFP will be trumped by fear. I am just living in fear.

OH MY GOSH!

CD 1

AF was super late this go-around and I'm really not too sure why. I didn't think I was pregnant, with all the BFNs, but I still hoped AF would stay away and I would get a super late BFP. Instead, as my early Mothers Day present, I got a puppy!!! Our third dog! I was furious when C told me, but of course as soon as I saw him I feel in love. I named him Sampson, his mother is a mini-collie and the father is unknown (seems to happen a lot here in the country). I think he was too young to leave his mom but the owners did not want them any more and we even asked them to take him back for a few more weeks but they refused :-(. Fortunately, he is with a family that knows how to care for too young pups!

CD 31 11ish DPO

I'm horrible at keeping up with this but with C away (with the good laptop), A being a crazy toddler, and finals next week, it's nearly impossibe to get online :(. I'm not exactly sure what DPO I am. I could be 11... but I could be 13 or even 9. 11 seems to be the most accurate, that would count O as the day after my darkest +OPK. So far all my tests have been BFNs, which does not come to a huge surprise as me. Yesterday I took a nap but other then  that I have no pregnancy symptoms. I got my usual period pimple, except its not as huge as "usual". So I guess its not usual lol but its one of those gross under the skin painful ones. But that seems to be the only sign of AF. Tomorrow I will probably be feeling more AF like.

I'm getting discouraged. We have been TTC for 2 years, with 3 losses, and no baby in our arms. Its frustrating. I know we have only technically been TTC this time for 1 month (last month was more NTNP) but it still sucks. I hate all this waiting and I know that with every m/c it increase my risk of m/c with the next pregnancy. Apparently the state I'm in does not offer any maternity/fertility coverage private insurance for a single female. Almost makes me want to hop on the marriage train, almost.

CD 21

My temps have not rose, so I'm not sure if I have O'd yet. CD 18 I got my first + OPK and the next day was even darker, so IDK. C stabbed himself in the hand with a screwdriver at work and was in a LOT of pain so we have not been BD'ing much. I'm feeling pretty down about this cycle, but I know all it takes is ONE time.

CD 18!!!

Finally a +OPK!!! Only a day late but that's ok. I'm worried our BD schedule sucked though. I don't have high hopes for this cycle however, I did have a Cheri reading that said April and girl, so who knows!!!

COME ON EGGIE!!!

This is CD 16 on cycle #2 after my mc. I was sick all last week and still have horrible sniffles. C was sick too but not nearly as bad as I was. I'm hoping our sickness doesn't throw off O or his swimmers. I know it can. I had temps last week of 101 and 102.9 so I think I will have to throw those out. I don't usually O until CD17 and sometimes CD18. So I'm hoping that todays temp will be good enough to show a shift tomorrow. I didn't sleep all that great last night so todays temp was a little high. I will be testing with an OPK today and tomorrow. If I don't get a plus then I will test again on Wednesday. I depend so highly on my temps I don't usully use OPKs or anything else but I've been paying more attention to my CM and just my bodies urges so I think O should be coming up soon!!! I will edit to add the OPK pic tonight!