It's not just me

Sometimes I forgot that the losses have affected C too. He loves his xbox and all his internet friends (kinda like me and all my online mommy friends). Lately, all his buddies are "knocking up" their girlfriends, fiances, wives and its most always an accident. Usually he can tell them congrats and leave it at that. Since SO MANY are finding out at the same time he finally burst.

He let some of them know that he didn't want to hear about their pregnancies and babies any more. I'm still in shock. He doesn't usually let things bother him. I don't think I even realized how much everything has affected him.

When I had the D&C I think that was an eye opener to both of us. That is not something I will ever do again and it was something C was against from the very beginning.

He always has to comfort me at random moments when I cry, when I see babies or have multiple pregnancy announcements on facebook in a matter of hours. He reminds me that it's not their fault I'm not pregnant. Most people do not even know that their words have any negative affect on anyone. Pregnancies are supposed to be a happy, joyous time (and it should). But the unexpected announcements hurt and the reminds of what I have lost sting.

I will never be confident enough in a pregnancy to start telling people at 6 weeks. The first time I see a heartbeat will not put me at ease. Making it into the second trimester for the first time since A, will bring on a whole new set of fears I have never experienced.  Nothing scared me with A. My biggest fear with her was how my family would react, as I was 20, not married, and had not been with C long. Miscarriage was the farthest thing from my mind. Once she was born, we always said how the next pregnancy and baby would be total opposite. I really had a picture perfect pregnancy, little did we know how right we would be. 3 pregnancies later and it is still just A. I hate the she will not have a close relationship with a sibling close in age. She loves babies. I want one for her just as bad as for us. I hope and I pray we can give her the gift of a sibling soon.