Two words that have been used to describe me lately. Certainly not ones that I would choose to describe myself.
I enjoy the TV show 16 and Pregnant... maybe because its a baby show. Watching that show is torture. Watching teenage girls prepare for a baby breaks my heart. I cry every tuesday watching the show. C will no watch it with me. If I am watching a re-run or watching it on the DVR he will leave. He always asks me why I even put myself through it. I don't even honestly know.
Most often I get called brave for still trying. After my D&C I asked my doctor when we could start trying again. He looked at me like I was nuts. He was certainly shocked that I could even ask the question. Women on mommy sites remind me of how brave I am. Some saying things like "I couldn't do it" but some are a little more genuine, "You are so brave and I am praying for you". It's taken me almost two weeks to finish this blog post. Theres so much that I wanted to say but not enough that I could.
I don't think I'm strong or brave. Not any more then anyone else. I just want to be a mom again. More then anything in this world I want A to have a sibling, at least one.